Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
