As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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