By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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