We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
