can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
