Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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