don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
