It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
