i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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