Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
and eventually we just all took our pants off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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