i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
