i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
