I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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