We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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