a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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