I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We got so high we made milksteak
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
