why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize