i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
