I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
