This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
