btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
