He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
