Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
