roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
