My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
