Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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