don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
