ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
