Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you never un-have a 4some
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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