It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
