found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
