My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
