Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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