First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
