You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize