I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm at about main and main street
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
