someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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