Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize