East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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