Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm too high and old for this...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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