its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
