The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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