I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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