My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
