I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Damn victory sex feels great
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
