I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
