I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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