I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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