my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize