I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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