You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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