Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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