Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
