Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
