maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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