so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
