I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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