So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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