Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I touched a dick in church today
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
