Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
