I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
