I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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