i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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