I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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