He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
