i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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