Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
