I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
