I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
