I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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