I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize