so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this just has baby written all over it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
