So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize