Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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