Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
