I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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