Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
