Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
