Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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