is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He felt like a one man threesome
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
