at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
