I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
