hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
