I feel like abortions should bother me more
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
