Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
