After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
