that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
