I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
