I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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