I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
