Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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