Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize