Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so let's talk penis.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
