...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't deserve a penis
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
