After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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