How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
