maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Success! We fucked roommates!
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