if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
