Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
