remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
