so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
