Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
