i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize