It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
