areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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