Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
