I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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