How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
