All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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