I can text with my tongue
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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