no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
