So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
