you didnt know i had herpes?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
