Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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