Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize