and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
