i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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