No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
