sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
But we have bathrooms and they dont
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
