remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
