Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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